Tag Archives: single parenting

Holiday Madness.

It’s December 11 and I’m dreading the thought of New Years Eve.

What is it about the holidays that makes a single person feel like unless your in a committed relationship, your not spending the holiday the way it was intended to be spent? I know the sickness is coming, as it does to all single people during the holidays.
The Holiday Madness.
Thoughts of going solo to family or friends functions. Doing all your shopping alone as everyone one else has a copilot. Buying yourself a gift, so you have something to unwrap on Xmas morning. These can all be triggers for the madness. But honestly, anything can bring it. Last year, my episode was started after watching Christmas Vacation. Damn you Beverly D’Angelo, so damn hot.
It’s enough to cause us all to go a little mental, to over eat just a bit, to drink a little extra.
But be careful of the warning signs. Some don’t realize The Madness has gripped them. Realizing after they’ve reached the 2nd level.

The first level is the Desperate stage.

Being a little extra flirty with single friends. Dropping hints about wanting to be fixed up. Logging on to all the dating apps and loading extra cleavage shots or bare, muscle flexing, pics.
I’m not obsessing over tinder yet, I expect I will be soon though.

Then we have the 2nd stage called the Assuming stage.

It’s when you assume that any interaction-with available friends, strangers, that they have some hidden meaning. That a simple hello means,  “I’m interested in starting something serious with you”. While in this stage, friends and family will warn you of the oncoming mistakes. But being in this stage means you’ve lost your ability to see reality. Your subcoming to the Madness.
I’ve been victim to this stage many times. One year, I thought my friends mom was totally hitting on me, even though she was in her late sixties and married.

The worst is the 3rd. It’s the one we all tend to later regret. It’s the Ex-love stage.

The deeper you are in the Madness, the more you convince yourself that your previous relationships weren’t so bad. You forget the reasons for the break up, lose memory of filed police reports. Only to remember everything after the holidays have passed. After the attempt, and in most cases successful, relationships have restarted.
This is disaster waiting to happen.
Every day I get closer to calling an ex, checking they’re Facebook page, reading old text messages.This is the stage I fear the most.

Be brave people. Luckily, the Holiday Madness season is halfway over. Staring back in early November, it will fizzle out by January 2nd.
However late in the season it may be, there’s still plenty of time for the sickness to infect you. Avoid crowds,  stay home. Be strong.

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Hardest Lesson.

I’ve learned a lot of things being a single parent.

No matter how prepared you want to be leaving your home with a newborn/ toddler/youngster, you will never have everything you need.

Its OK to let the dishes sit till tomorrow. Just not till next week.

When it comes to bills, there’s 3 levels of payment options.

  1. Before due date.
  2. Past due date.
  3. Final notice.

Do not shop for groceries you wouldn’t be OK eating past the due date.

The floor will never be clean enough.

Always buy twice as much laundry detergent.

Silence is evil.

Accidents that include cuts/scrapes/bruises are called “boo-boo’s” till the age of 4 or 6. Afterwards they will be regarded as cuts, accidents, war scars (depending on the child).

There is a time and place for lies.

  • Lying to a 7 year old asking where babies come from is wrong.
  • Lying to a 2 year old that the Netflix is currently down because they want to watch that annoying cartoon for the 15th time is right.

Parenthood is bliss. Its all the other time that sucks.IMG070

Redo.

I’ve often written about being a father and the great joy that it’s brought me. Well that’s not what this post is about. Well, not really.

My daughter is 10.

She’s a young striving, wanting independence, able to take care of herself (as she sees it) tween. And I’m freaking out.

Two months ago there was a real connection between us.

Remarks like,” I love you daddy” would be yelled to me from across the room. No reason, tight hugs would be given throughout the hour. She was my baby girl and I felt her love. Then it all changed.

I understand that she’s growing up. Hormones are flying everywhere inside of her and she’s trying to keep up with everything going on in her regular life along with her changing body. I’m not sure if that’s the reason for the change but I have my suspicions.

Her mom and I have had the talk about her becoming a young woman. I’m prepared at my house as she is at hers. We’re both stocked and ready for the day. I get that. I guess what really got to me was the sudden change in my daughters personality.

She used to spend 3-4 nights at my place every week. Now, maybe once to twice a month. Yes, it was that drastic and honestly I was not prepared. Also, her relationship with her mother has really grown stronger. Which I’m very happy with. They always held a strong bond but it appears in the last few months it’s grown very much stronger. She’s more affectionate with her and isn’t afraid to show it. But with me, I’ve become the opposite.

No more random, “I love you daddy” or affectionate hugs. No more running up in excitement after not seeing me for a day. No more “little girl loves her daddy” moments. And honestly, I was kind of heartbroken.

It’s normal.

As a dad I believe I’m programmed to fix things. It’s how I’ve always addressed situations. And to most of my past relationships, the main reason why I’m currently single. I get that. But with my daughter and our current relationship, there’s nothing I can fix. I have to stand back and allow her to grow.

It’s hard because I want to help.

I want to be involved. And why shouldn’t I feel like that when only months ago I was involved in everything that was occurring with her. But the difference between then and now is that she doesn’t want me involved. She wants to make decisions about herself and her time. That’s fine, I can step back and give her space. But it still hurts regardless the reason.

I miss my little, sometime emotional, sometime needy, little girl.

But that’s what we parents do right? We grow with our kids- even when it hurts to be on the sidelines.

I know she loves me even though she may not show it the way she used to. I don’t question her love for me. I guess I just wasn’t ready for her to start growing up. Who knew that all those times when I would playfully yell, “stop turning into a young lady!” I was actually really wanting her to stop turning into an independent young woman.