Tag Archives: relationship

Holiday Madness.

It’s December 11 and I’m dreading the thought of New Years Eve.

What is it about the holidays that makes a single person feel like unless your in a committed relationship, your not spending the holiday the way it was intended to be spent? I know the sickness is coming, as it does to all single people during the holidays.
The Holiday Madness.
Thoughts of going solo to family or friends functions. Doing all your shopping alone as everyone one else has a copilot. Buying yourself a gift, so you have something to unwrap on Xmas morning. These can all be triggers for the madness. But honestly, anything can bring it. Last year, my episode was started after watching Christmas Vacation. Damn you Beverly D’Angelo, so damn hot.
It’s enough to cause us all to go a little mental, to over eat just a bit, to drink a little extra.
But be careful of the warning signs. Some don’t realize The Madness has gripped them. Realizing after they’ve reached the 2nd level.

The first level is the Desperate stage.

Being a little extra flirty with single friends. Dropping hints about wanting to be fixed up. Logging on to all the dating apps and loading extra cleavage shots or bare, muscle flexing, pics.
I’m not obsessing over tinder yet, I expect I will be soon though.

Then we have the 2nd stage called the Assuming stage.

It’s when you assume that any interaction-with available friends, strangers, that they have some hidden meaning. That a simple hello means,  “I’m interested in starting something serious with you”. While in this stage, friends and family will warn you of the oncoming mistakes. But being in this stage means you’ve lost your ability to see reality. Your subcoming to the Madness.
I’ve been victim to this stage many times. One year, I thought my friends mom was totally hitting on me, even though she was in her late sixties and married.

The worst is the 3rd. It’s the one we all tend to later regret. It’s the Ex-love stage.

The deeper you are in the Madness, the more you convince yourself that your previous relationships weren’t so bad. You forget the reasons for the break up, lose memory of filed police reports. Only to remember everything after the holidays have passed. After the attempt, and in most cases successful, relationships have restarted.
This is disaster waiting to happen.
Every day I get closer to calling an ex, checking they’re Facebook page, reading old text messages.This is the stage I fear the most.

Be brave people. Luckily, the Holiday Madness season is halfway over. Staring back in early November, it will fizzle out by January 2nd.
However late in the season it may be, there’s still plenty of time for the sickness to infect you. Avoid crowds,  stay home. Be strong.


How the Grinch (consumerism) almost stole Xmas.

During the holidays, kids get spoiled, parents get drunk, relationships start, relationships end. Regardless your situation, parent or not a parent, the holiday season affects you in some way, shape or form. My point of view of course is as a parent. A dad of a 10 year old daughter. I totally get that my advice, rant, whatever is one sided. Its my view of my world. This is the scenery that I awake to every morning. Father, struggling new business owner with debt and other stresses. I try my hardest not to judge others. And that’s freaking hard sometimes. Jealousy and envy. those are hard feelings to ignore sometimes.

This is the first Christmas that I don’t have a tree up for the holiday. I know, its still early so something might change. But money wise, its been a tough past 2 months. Its all for a reason, I get that. But when I see my ex and her husband going out, spending on the kids. When I’m embarrassed to see my nephew’s or niece because I’ve come up short for their holiday gifts. When I can’t even plan a trip home since I cant afford the gas money. Its hard to keep a jolly view of yourself or the holiday. I mean lets face it. The holiday season is all about those ads. The specials going on everywhere. Its near impossible to avoid the constant reminders. So should I be upset, jealous or envious that they can afford it but I cant?


Even thought its been a hard few months (and I totally get that I brought this on myself). I made the decision to avoid a low end position for what I really wanted. I get that, I accept that. I’m not mad at anyone, especially myself.

Everyday we make decisions that affect a time in the future. That maybe a few moment’s, to a few days, years, lifetimes away. I may complain to my brother that I cant afford a Xmas tree. I may vent to my friend Jeff about my inability to walk in to a store without feeling guilt. But this isn’t the reason for this time of year. And I’m not referring to the religious side of the season. I mean the goodness and warmness that this time of year brings. The real holiday season. Not the ads. Not the specials. Not the enormous expense of living the holiday that society now seems to lead by example. Its about making cheap sugar cookies with my daughter. Its about walking out and enjoying a snow covered morning. Its about feeling the genuine warmth from others feeling the wonderful spirit of giving.

Its about love. Plain and simple. Its about feeling the love that we all feel grow and grow during this holiday season.

So I’ll count my blessings and count my pennies.

I have family that I may not be next to thinking of me this holiday season. I have friends that mean it when they wish me a prosperous new year.

And best of all. I have a 10 year daughter that wants nothing more than to be with her family this holiday (that last line made me tear up).

Life’s good this season.

Even when your without the low interest credit card.

What if my dating profile was honest?

We all know that dating site profiles are not 100% honest. There’s some honesty there, but there’s also what the person posting likes to think of as “adding mystery”. Let’s face it, dating sites are all just glorified used car lots. And we’re the used cars (I’ll be honest, I embellished about my old Ford Explorer). But it’s common practice right? But what if my used car Ad was totally honest? I’m referring to my dating site Ad, not an actual car Ad. I’m not currently selling my car.

Chicano looking for a Chicana.

(Actually, I don’t really care if your Chicana, Asian, Afro-American, Native American or some unknown Swedish/German/Japanese hybrid. I’m lonely and I accept interest from all races.)

About     Non-Smoker with A “Few Extra Pounds” body type (I can barely run a mile, let alone inhale cigarette smoke. And a “few extra pounds” was maybe 5 years ago. At this point I would add a good 5% more to that concept)
City      ### New Mexico
Details    40 year old Male, 5′ 7″ (170cm)   
Ethnicity     Other Ethnicity, Capricorn  (I’m not Hispanic or Latino. Those are words created by the mass media to describe the Chicano movement I’m a proud Chicano. But because of this sites restrictions I’ll be listed as ‘OTHER’. So now women will just assume I’m a Jewish guy from the mid-east. ) 
Intent     Not seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. (I am actually seeking a relationship, but because of fear of coming across as desperate, I’ll hide my true intentions and play it cool. Just imagine me standing against the wall at the club. I’m cool on the outside but oh so lonely within.)    
Education     Some college      (I completed one term of community college. Then I proceeded to foolishly spend my student loan money on worthless items. Like buying my then girlfriend a $400 iPod. Great investment there guy.)
Personality     Free Thinker   (What was I suppose to pick? I’m not a freaking hippy, nor am I a gamer, politician or communist coffee drinker. I’m just me. A middle age guy that prefers to watch Star Wars movies (the original 3 of course) and eat unhealthy meals.) 
Profession     Self Employed  (I started my own business because I couldn’t conform my prior employers to adapt to my relaxed work ethic and sporadic attendance habits.)
I am seeking a :  Woman (And with every day that passes, this detail becomes hazier and hazier.)
For  :   Dating (Or random bouts of uncommitted sex, ego boosting, mothering, justifying my current place in life, etc…)
Do drink? : Yes (Rarely can I afford it.)
Hair color : Gray (After a point, hair coloring becomes too expensive.)
Eye color? : Brown (Sexy brown wasn’t a choice.)
Do you do drugs? : NO (Why? Are you offering?)
Do you have children? : Yes (You will meet them only when it becomes necessary for you to spend the night.)
 Do you want children? : NO (I can barely afford my own kid, why would I want more?)
 Marital Status? : Divorced (I’m used but broken in.)
 Longest relationship? : 6 years (But while in it, it seemed endless.)
 How ambitious are you? : Very (I need a job. I need a job. I need a job.)
 Pets? : Dog ( He is the only one that doesn’t judge my gluttony.)
Second language? : Spanish (Mostly picked up from watching American Me and Blood in, Blood Out.)
About me :
I’m a laid back guy that’s looking for a partner in crime. Must have a sense of humor, able to take a joke and enjoy intelligent conversations.
I love hiking, reading and cuddling while watching great, stimulating cinema.
Lets chat and see where it takes us.
Hope to hear from you soon!
(I’m currently laid off from work and looking for a partner who can afford to buy me dinner and spot me gas every so often. My sense of humor is pretty crude and often consisting of fart jokes, playing harsh particle jokes and… Ok I lied. I hate intelligent conversations…
I usually walk everywhere since I don’t have insurance on my vehicle at the moment, I read a lot of Facebook post and I love porn.
I’m convinced that all phone conversations will eventually lead to phone sex.
Message me. I need a ride to the grocery store.)

This Dating Site is not responsible for contracted STD’s, disappointments, additional sadness (stemming from, harsh judgments, honesty or bluntness connected to your fake profile), job loss or overall embarrassment.


Dear Future Wife.

Dear future wife…

   I hope this message finds you well.
My reason for writing is simple. I lie. And in my self guilt of being a liar, I want to make sure we start our life together on a solid foundation. I know that may change after I give you this letter, sometime after our first 6 months together. But I want to assure you that the person you know is actually me. Just not the Whole me.
   Let’s be honest, who is really themselves? I mean, 100%, brutally open and honest, themselves? Especially after just starting to date someone new. So who you have been dating for the past months is me. I do love you, for  (insert  specific reason here) and I know you love me. You show me that (insert believed reason here) everyday. But now, at this point in our lives together, I owe you a full, honest disclosure of who I am.
   I just ask that you don’t lose sight of who I am.  I may have my flaws, but they don’t change how I feel for you (insert name here).
1. I like porn.
I imagine we’re living together. If not then a huge congratulations to you for pushing back. I usually let my passion make my decisions. And they’re not always well though out. However, in case we are, you must of suspected my passion.  Regardless, spending time together you must of suspected my attachment to my Internet capable devices. I’m not a pervert. I mostly do it for relaxation before bed. Or after I awake, during a shower, while getting dressed, midday, after work. The porn is merely a tool to release.
2. Alone time.
I enjoy my alone time. I may have lied to you and said I had to work all weekend. Maybe using a death of a distant family member and needing to go away? Maybe I said I had to help my brother move? The truth is that I stayed home. I didn’t shower, ate crap and smiled happily being able to do it. Please believe me it’s not you, it’s me. I need that alone time to veg out, sit on the couch for hours watching Netflix.
3. Commitment. The scary C-word.
I do love you  (name here). But the idea of being committed to one person, for the rest of my life, scares me. That doesn’t mean I’m not sincere about being devoted to you. If I’m  presenting this letter to you soberly, then thats my honesty shining through that I want to make this work. Whatever the future brings.
4. I’m moody.
With lack of sleeps comes my bitchyness. Sorry in advance for being a baby about stuff. If I’m running on little sleep, just let me be. Once I catch up on my sleep I’ll be ok. But be aware that I may do this to myself from time to time, watching entire Portlandia seasons in a single night.
5. My work ethic is still in development.
I realized I hated my last job early on after starting there. And 2 months later I quit. I didn’t have another  job lined up. I just quit. Before you stop reading the rest of this letter in disgust, let me explain. I work well under pressure. That’s how I started my own business. By forcing myself into a corner and making something happen. But in reality, it doesn’t always happen. This type of reasoning has also damaged me severely. It’s taken 40 years for me to realize it’s ok to invest in tomorrow, instead of splurging today.

I think I’ve given you a surprise my love.  Again, I just wanted to honest with you.  Please don’t leave me.

Sincerely yours

Undecided title.

I’m in a loving type of mood. Not sure what this is going to be. Thinking it’s a story just waiting to grow around this scene.


Smiling widely, she asked foolishly If I loved her?

Cautiously, I walked next to her holding back my enthusiasm.

I said,”yes”.

My answer was simple, soft and direct.

But what I wanted to say was more.

“More than I love anything else. More than I care for myself. I love your smile more than any sunrise or sunset. I love your smell more than any rose or flower. I need your touch more than the air I breath. I need your affection more than the food I eat. I want nothing more in life but too spend it next to you. Watching, listening, protecting, kissing providing and holding you. Yes. I so do madly love you.”

With my simple answer, she smiled widely, kissing my cheek, she whispers, “I love you madly too”.


So this is something I just started working on. The premise is a small glimpse into relationships, broken into 90 word segments.

He was happy.

As he laid there with her next to him, both naked and hot from exhaustion. They caressed and spoke softly to each other.

In the morning he left her side for his morning run.

An hour later he returned to find her gone.

The note placed on the pillow simple said, ‘It’s not working out. I don’t think we should see each other anymore”.

He stared at that small piece of notepad paper and wondered why?

Emotions left unanswered can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Maybe she moved on?

Maybe she hadn’t?

“I never hated someone so much before”. He thought to himself.

“The feeling of rage filled me so much that it left me shaking.

I deserve a reason.

Something to blame, whether it’s a fault, known or unknown. A habit, action, something.

I deserve to know.

Because not knowing is worse.

Not knowing means I blame everything.

All my insecurities, regrets or guilt’s.

Everything is blamed, held responsible and exposed.

Why now?

Morning after what seemed a great night.

I deserve to know why.

I hate her with everything right now.

I deserve to know.”

She’s walking away hurriedly.

Hair pulled back into a pony tail, jacket closed up and scarf wrapped around her tearful face.

She didn’t feel guilty.

She wasn’t allowing herself to feel anything.

“A few more blocks”, is all she would tell herself.

“A little bit further and then I can think about it.

It wasn’t a mistake.

I had to leave.

Just a few more blocks.

Total waste of my time and energy.

I can’t just follow that.

He seriously expected me to be ok with that?

What a jerk.”