Tag Archives: honesty

How the Grinch (consumerism) almost stole Xmas.

During the holidays, kids get spoiled, parents get drunk, relationships start, relationships end. Regardless your situation, parent or not a parent, the holiday season affects you in some way, shape or form. My point of view of course is as a parent. A dad of a 10 year old daughter. I totally get that my advice, rant, whatever is one sided. Its my view of my world. This is the scenery that I awake to every morning. Father, struggling new business owner with debt and other stresses. I try my hardest not to judge others. And that’s freaking hard sometimes. Jealousy and envy. those are hard feelings to ignore sometimes.

This is the first Christmas that I don’t have a tree up for the holiday. I know, its still early so something might change. But money wise, its been a tough past 2 months. Its all for a reason, I get that. But when I see my ex and her husband going out, spending on the kids. When I’m embarrassed to see my nephew’s or niece because I’ve come up short for their holiday gifts. When I can’t even plan a trip home since I cant afford the gas money. Its hard to keep a jolly view of yourself or the holiday. I mean lets face it. The holiday season is all about those ads. The specials going on everywhere. Its near impossible to avoid the constant reminders. So should I be upset, jealous or envious that they can afford it but I cant?


Even thought its been a hard few months (and I totally get that I brought this on myself). I made the decision to avoid a low end position for what I really wanted. I get that, I accept that. I’m not mad at anyone, especially myself.

Everyday we make decisions that affect a time in the future. That maybe a few moment’s, to a few days, years, lifetimes away. I may complain to my brother that I cant afford a Xmas tree. I may vent to my friend Jeff about my inability to walk in to a store without feeling guilt. But this isn’t the reason for this time of year. And I’m not referring to the religious side of the season. I mean the goodness and warmness that this time of year brings. The real holiday season. Not the ads. Not the specials. Not the enormous expense of living the holiday that society now seems to lead by example. Its about making cheap sugar cookies with my daughter. Its about walking out and enjoying a snow covered morning. Its about feeling the genuine warmth from others feeling the wonderful spirit of giving.

Its about love. Plain and simple. Its about feeling the love that we all feel grow and grow during this holiday season.

So I’ll count my blessings and count my pennies.

I have family that I may not be next to thinking of me this holiday season. I have friends that mean it when they wish me a prosperous new year.

And best of all. I have a 10 year daughter that wants nothing more than to be with her family this holiday (that last line made me tear up).

Life’s good this season.

Even when your without the low interest credit card.


What if my dating profile was honest?

We all know that dating site profiles are not 100% honest. There’s some honesty there, but there’s also what the person posting likes to think of as “adding mystery”. Let’s face it, dating sites are all just glorified used car lots. And we’re the used cars (I’ll be honest, I embellished about my old Ford Explorer). But it’s common practice right? But what if my used car Ad was totally honest? I’m referring to my dating site Ad, not an actual car Ad. I’m not currently selling my car.

Chicano looking for a Chicana.

(Actually, I don’t really care if your Chicana, Asian, Afro-American, Native American or some unknown Swedish/German/Japanese hybrid. I’m lonely and I accept interest from all races.)

About     Non-Smoker with A “Few Extra Pounds” body type (I can barely run a mile, let alone inhale cigarette smoke. And a “few extra pounds” was maybe 5 years ago. At this point I would add a good 5% more to that concept)
City      ### New Mexico
Details    40 year old Male, 5′ 7″ (170cm)   
Ethnicity     Other Ethnicity, Capricorn  (I’m not Hispanic or Latino. Those are words created by the mass media to describe the Chicano movement I’m a proud Chicano. But because of this sites restrictions I’ll be listed as ‘OTHER’. So now women will just assume I’m a Jewish guy from the mid-east. ) 
Intent     Not seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. (I am actually seeking a relationship, but because of fear of coming across as desperate, I’ll hide my true intentions and play it cool. Just imagine me standing against the wall at the club. I’m cool on the outside but oh so lonely within.)    
Education     Some college      (I completed one term of community college. Then I proceeded to foolishly spend my student loan money on worthless items. Like buying my then girlfriend a $400 iPod. Great investment there guy.)
Personality     Free Thinker   (What was I suppose to pick? I’m not a freaking hippy, nor am I a gamer, politician or communist coffee drinker. I’m just me. A middle age guy that prefers to watch Star Wars movies (the original 3 of course) and eat unhealthy meals.) 
Profession     Self Employed  (I started my own business because I couldn’t conform my prior employers to adapt to my relaxed work ethic and sporadic attendance habits.)
I am seeking a :  Woman (And with every day that passes, this detail becomes hazier and hazier.)
For  :   Dating (Or random bouts of uncommitted sex, ego boosting, mothering, justifying my current place in life, etc…)
Do drink? : Yes (Rarely can I afford it.)
Hair color : Gray (After a point, hair coloring becomes too expensive.)
Eye color? : Brown (Sexy brown wasn’t a choice.)
Do you do drugs? : NO (Why? Are you offering?)
Do you have children? : Yes (You will meet them only when it becomes necessary for you to spend the night.)
 Do you want children? : NO (I can barely afford my own kid, why would I want more?)
 Marital Status? : Divorced (I’m used but broken in.)
 Longest relationship? : 6 years (But while in it, it seemed endless.)
 How ambitious are you? : Very (I need a job. I need a job. I need a job.)
 Pets? : Dog ( He is the only one that doesn’t judge my gluttony.)
Second language? : Spanish (Mostly picked up from watching American Me and Blood in, Blood Out.)
About me :
I’m a laid back guy that’s looking for a partner in crime. Must have a sense of humor, able to take a joke and enjoy intelligent conversations.
I love hiking, reading and cuddling while watching great, stimulating cinema.
Lets chat and see where it takes us.
Hope to hear from you soon!
(I’m currently laid off from work and looking for a partner who can afford to buy me dinner and spot me gas every so often. My sense of humor is pretty crude and often consisting of fart jokes, playing harsh particle jokes and… Ok I lied. I hate intelligent conversations…
I usually walk everywhere since I don’t have insurance on my vehicle at the moment, I read a lot of Facebook post and I love porn.
I’m convinced that all phone conversations will eventually lead to phone sex.
Message me. I need a ride to the grocery store.)

This Dating Site is not responsible for contracted STD’s, disappointments, additional sadness (stemming from, harsh judgments, honesty or bluntness connected to your fake profile), job loss or overall embarrassment.


I realized something yesterday.

I realized something yesterday.

I’m a good dad but I suck at being an adult.

My credit sucks. My work history is spotty. I have no savings and I’m currently steps away from a total financial collapse. But my daughter’s healthy and we have enough food to keep her fed and supplied with school lunches. I have a beautiful roof over my head. And I’m thankful for the wonderful support from friends and family.

But let’s be honest, I’ve made some freaking horrible decisions.

But in my defense, being depressed sucks. I mean, the happy to sad, it’s freaking exhausting. Seriously. After a whole day of dealing with myself, I’m freaking tired. But I’m recognizing my own patterns. Recognizing my triggers. And that’s the hardest part. Being on the lookout for what has gotten me in trouble before. I do find it funny how you can go through your entire life living a certain way. Building routines that help you get passed certain situations. Learning those “self-taught tools”. And then just to find out that they were actually very unhealthy habits. They were actually triggers that lead me to unhealthy results.

Well fuck me. Now I know.

Yeah, so this whole being an adult is pretty hard.

You know, I don’t remember my dad ever telling me how to become a responsible adult. We never talked about relationships, credit scores or how to manage money. And that’s cool. I was in such a hurry as a kid to grow up that I probably wouldn’t have listened anyways. But I’m not going to make that same mistake with my mija.

I think I sometimes over explain things to her. And that may be my over compensating for what I didn’t experience as a kid. But the way I see it, if I’m not annoying her as a dad then I’m obviously doing something wrong.

So onward with this depression crap.

For the most part, life is good. Just got to keep reminding myself of that.

Starting a new business can be stressfull.

I have to apologize. I started writing about one specific-topic and then I started to veer a bit to the left touching on another issue. So I’m sorry if my direction seems off. I just realized after I started writing that this was turning into a touchy subject for me.

So be kind regarding my lack of structure.

Before I decided to start Bosque Bio-Cleaning and Janitorial, I had called around to all the listed companies looking for open positions. I wasn’t looking to start a business just yet. I just wanted some hands- on experience to build on. So I just googled “crime scene cleaners, Albuquerque NM” and went down the list.

The first few numbers I called were located in the state bet they didn’t have any opening at that time.

So I kept calling.

The next two told me they did have openings but not in the regular sense.

“What do you mean, “In the regular sense”?

They went on to tell me that they were out of state (the first one was in M.N. and the second one was in T.X.). But they offer the option to become affiliated with their company for a fee (between $400-$750). That includes all the chemicals needed for the job, business cards and flyers and they would teach me how to promote the business in my area.

They said I would become they’re contact in the states (I found it funny how both companies insisted that they didn’t have anyone else in the state and that I would be able to control the entire market of N.M.).

I asked them, “What about training or certifications?”

“You wouldn’t need them since your working under our information.”

Yeah, that’s a HUGE NO-NO. Like $7,000-or-more-fine huge.

“We can teach you everything over the phone. And once you’re all set we can start sending work your way immediately!”

The red flags were whipping in the wind at this point. They both insisted that they had plenty of work to offer.

Yeah, hell no. It didn’t sound right. I just wanted a job in the field so I could develop experience. I wasn’t looking to take all that on.

So I kept on, calling down the list.

The next few referred me back to their websites, which all stated they covered New Mexico. But after looking further, they were actually located out of states. How do you cover the area if you’re 12 or more hours away? Well, here’s their process.

They buy up all the domains, set up all these generic pages and link them back to their toll free numbers. Someone in need calls them, they refer it to some local contractor they have in the area and that person does the work under the websites company information.

Is there any guarantee that the person that shows up for the jobs is properly trained? Maybe?

Any guarantee that they’ll use the proper cleaning supplies or methods? Maybe?

So it’s a risk. My suggestion, always go local.

There’s plenty of qualified companies out here, or in any state that can provide a thorough, positive experience. Crime-scene cleaning is a needed thing. We all know that. Tragedies happen and there is a need for someone to deal with it. But besides a need, there also seems to be a lot of greed in this industry.

In all reality, all you need is some OSHA certification, a general janitorial business licenses (in most cases-depending on the state) and some great advertising and them BOOM, you have a trauma cleaning business. So with our relaxed regulations, it’s open for people to over-charge, lie regarding experience and use extreme scare tactics.

Here are a few tips for someone dealing with a traumatic cleaning situation.

(I understand that the likelihood of the person not being in an emotional state to be pretty low. But as a professional in this field, I still need to make my recommendations.)

  1. Check out the company (Google is a great tool).
  2. Ask if they’re certified in the state (in California and Florida there’s additional Certifications that apply).
  3. Ask if there’s a guarantee for the services provided.
  4. Ask if they provide photos and a verified letter (some call it a re-occupy certification letter). It’s basically a statement from the cleaning company explaining what was done, how and if it’s been decontaminated for safe re-entry.
  5. Do they offer a quote?  Whatever you can get in writing always helps. Especially for the insurance companies.
  6. And lastly, don’t be afraid to ask question. Some in our industry, I hate to admit it, use some pretty rough tactics. You’re the boss, we’re there to help you. Not bully you.

Ok I’m done ranting. It just bugs me that good local help is ousted by larger groups. It shouldn’t be about how much advertising you can pay for, but the honesty of the work you can provide.

Dear Future Wife.

Dear future wife…

   I hope this message finds you well.
My reason for writing is simple. I lie. And in my self guilt of being a liar, I want to make sure we start our life together on a solid foundation. I know that may change after I give you this letter, sometime after our first 6 months together. But I want to assure you that the person you know is actually me. Just not the Whole me.
   Let’s be honest, who is really themselves? I mean, 100%, brutally open and honest, themselves? Especially after just starting to date someone new. So who you have been dating for the past months is me. I do love you, for  (insert  specific reason here) and I know you love me. You show me that (insert believed reason here) everyday. But now, at this point in our lives together, I owe you a full, honest disclosure of who I am.
   I just ask that you don’t lose sight of who I am.  I may have my flaws, but they don’t change how I feel for you (insert name here).
1. I like porn.
I imagine we’re living together. If not then a huge congratulations to you for pushing back. I usually let my passion make my decisions. And they’re not always well though out. However, in case we are, you must of suspected my passion.  Regardless, spending time together you must of suspected my attachment to my Internet capable devices. I’m not a pervert. I mostly do it for relaxation before bed. Or after I awake, during a shower, while getting dressed, midday, after work. The porn is merely a tool to release.
2. Alone time.
I enjoy my alone time. I may have lied to you and said I had to work all weekend. Maybe using a death of a distant family member and needing to go away? Maybe I said I had to help my brother move? The truth is that I stayed home. I didn’t shower, ate crap and smiled happily being able to do it. Please believe me it’s not you, it’s me. I need that alone time to veg out, sit on the couch for hours watching Netflix.
3. Commitment. The scary C-word.
I do love you  (name here). But the idea of being committed to one person, for the rest of my life, scares me. That doesn’t mean I’m not sincere about being devoted to you. If I’m  presenting this letter to you soberly, then thats my honesty shining through that I want to make this work. Whatever the future brings.
4. I’m moody.
With lack of sleeps comes my bitchyness. Sorry in advance for being a baby about stuff. If I’m running on little sleep, just let me be. Once I catch up on my sleep I’ll be ok. But be aware that I may do this to myself from time to time, watching entire Portlandia seasons in a single night.
5. My work ethic is still in development.
I realized I hated my last job early on after starting there. And 2 months later I quit. I didn’t have another  job lined up. I just quit. Before you stop reading the rest of this letter in disgust, let me explain. I work well under pressure. That’s how I started my own business. By forcing myself into a corner and making something happen. But in reality, it doesn’t always happen. This type of reasoning has also damaged me severely. It’s taken 40 years for me to realize it’s ok to invest in tomorrow, instead of splurging today.

I think I’ve given you a surprise my love.  Again, I just wanted to honest with you.  Please don’t leave me.

Sincerely yours

The Teenage Years.

I was born in the Los Angeles, Chicano “macho” mentality during the 80’s and 90’s. I loved the experience and often find myself missing my first home.

As a young raver (party goer) in the early 90’s I met many gay and lesbians fellow ravers. We were all about Love, Dance and just enjoying the overall EXPERIENCE. It didn’t matter if you were gay at the club and straight at school. It didn’t matter if the parties were the only place you could be you. No questions were asked. No personal story needed. We were all accepted, well at least in my experiences.

I had a few friends who were openly gay but only one who was openly bisexual. Eric seemed so confident and honest with how he was and felt. I loved that about him. I followed him where ever and openly said it. I thought for the first and only time in my life, “Maybe I was gay?” Of course it only turned out to be a crush on his persona that he gave off. Turns out he wasn’t very honest with anyone especially himself.

But the thought of having an open love for either sex seemed so alien and interesting to me. I often wondered as a kid if I was like that, openly interested in both. I never felt full on emotions towards another man but every now and then I would find myself feeling a crush towards another guy friend. Little crushes towards their personality or way of being. Also towards personality or singers. Something about them that so interested me.

Morrissey was another one of those crushes. He seemed so odd and genuine. He was himself and I so loved that. I wanted that in my teenage years. I wanted to be figured out and open. I wanted to be honest and loud. I was the complete opposite of that. I never spoke about any of these feeling because I would have been considered something I didn’t want to be.

The word I’m about to use may be offensive to some. So please be warned.

(Possible trigger word)

Faggot was a common word back in child hood.

It meant sissy, gay, homo- whatever term you want to pick. But it also meant to be lame, stupid or dumb. So our vocabulary had that impression of the word being negative and something not right. This type of thinking would affect me for years to come.

As I grew up in to an adult and then moving away from California all together, I realized that I carried with me a bit of prejudice that was instilled in me as a kid from either my father, family or just my overall upbringing.

So as a soon to be 40 year old I’ve come to an open understanding of what those hurtful words can mean. So as I sit hear listening to alt.latino and their Happy Cinco De Morrissey podcats, I’m suddenly taken back to those teenage years when everything seemed innocent. Where listening to Morrissey didn’t mean anything other than you’re a fan but talking about the feeling his music made me feel meant something was wrong with me. I hope my daughter never has to feel that way about herself. I hope no one else ever has to feel that way about themselves. Amazing how one podcast can flood you with flashback of emotions and old mentalities.