Category Archives: writing

Holiday Madness.

It’s December 11 and I’m dreading the thought of New Years Eve.

What is it about the holidays that makes a single person feel like unless your in a committed relationship, your not spending the holiday the way it was intended to be spent? I know the sickness is coming, as it does to all single people during the holidays.
The Holiday Madness.
Thoughts of going solo to family or friends functions. Doing all your shopping alone as everyone one else has a copilot. Buying yourself a gift, so you have something to unwrap on Xmas morning. These can all be triggers for the madness. But honestly, anything can bring it. Last year, my episode was started after watching Christmas Vacation. Damn you Beverly D’Angelo, so damn hot.
It’s enough to cause us all to go a little mental, to over eat just a bit, to drink a little extra.
But be careful of the warning signs. Some don’t realize The Madness has gripped them. Realizing after they’ve reached the 2nd level.

The first level is the Desperate stage.

Being a little extra flirty with single friends. Dropping hints about wanting to be fixed up. Logging on to all the dating apps and loading extra cleavage shots or bare, muscle flexing, pics.
I’m not obsessing over tinder yet, I expect I will be soon though.

Then we have the 2nd stage called the Assuming stage.

It’s when you assume that any interaction-with available friends, strangers, that they have some hidden meaning. That a simple hello means,  “I’m interested in starting something serious with you”. While in this stage, friends and family will warn you of the oncoming mistakes. But being in this stage means you’ve lost your ability to see reality. Your subcoming to the Madness.
I’ve been victim to this stage many times. One year, I thought my friends mom was totally hitting on me, even though she was in her late sixties and married.

The worst is the 3rd. It’s the one we all tend to later regret. It’s the Ex-love stage.

The deeper you are in the Madness, the more you convince yourself that your previous relationships weren’t so bad. You forget the reasons for the break up, lose memory of filed police reports. Only to remember everything after the holidays have passed. After the attempt, and in most cases successful, relationships have restarted.
This is disaster waiting to happen.
Every day I get closer to calling an ex, checking they’re Facebook page, reading old text messages.This is the stage I fear the most.

Be brave people. Luckily, the Holiday Madness season is halfway over. Staring back in early November, it will fizzle out by January 2nd.
However late in the season it may be, there’s still plenty of time for the sickness to infect you. Avoid crowds,  stay home. Be strong.

What if my dating profile was honest?

We all know that dating site profiles are not 100% honest. There’s some honesty there, but there’s also what the person posting likes to think of as “adding mystery”. Let’s face it, dating sites are all just glorified used car lots. And we’re the used cars (I’ll be honest, I embellished about my old Ford Explorer). But it’s common practice right? But what if my used car Ad was totally honest? I’m referring to my dating site Ad, not an actual car Ad. I’m not currently selling my car.

Chicano looking for a Chicana.

(Actually, I don’t really care if your Chicana, Asian, Afro-American, Native American or some unknown Swedish/German/Japanese hybrid. I’m lonely and I accept interest from all races.)

    
About     Non-Smoker with A “Few Extra Pounds” body type (I can barely run a mile, let alone inhale cigarette smoke. And a “few extra pounds” was maybe 5 years ago. At this point I would add a good 5% more to that concept)
City      ### New Mexico
Details    40 year old Male, 5′ 7″ (170cm)   
Ethnicity     Other Ethnicity, Capricorn  (I’m not Hispanic or Latino. Those are words created by the mass media to describe the Chicano movement I’m a proud Chicano. But because of this sites restrictions I’ll be listed as ‘OTHER’. So now women will just assume I’m a Jewish guy from the mid-east. ) 
Intent     Not seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. (I am actually seeking a relationship, but because of fear of coming across as desperate, I’ll hide my true intentions and play it cool. Just imagine me standing against the wall at the club. I’m cool on the outside but oh so lonely within.)    
Education     Some college      (I completed one term of community college. Then I proceeded to foolishly spend my student loan money on worthless items. Like buying my then girlfriend a $400 iPod. Great investment there guy.)
Personality     Free Thinker   (What was I suppose to pick? I’m not a freaking hippy, nor am I a gamer, politician or communist coffee drinker. I’m just me. A middle age guy that prefers to watch Star Wars movies (the original 3 of course) and eat unhealthy meals.) 
Profession     Self Employed  (I started my own business because I couldn’t conform my prior employers to adapt to my relaxed work ethic and sporadic attendance habits.)
I am seeking a :  Woman (And with every day that passes, this detail becomes hazier and hazier.)
For  :   Dating (Or random bouts of uncommitted sex, ego boosting, mothering, justifying my current place in life, etc…)
Do drink? : Yes (Rarely can I afford it.)
Hair color : Gray (After a point, hair coloring becomes too expensive.)
Eye color? : Brown (Sexy brown wasn’t a choice.)
Do you do drugs? : NO (Why? Are you offering?)
Do you have children? : Yes (You will meet them only when it becomes necessary for you to spend the night.)
 Do you want children? : NO (I can barely afford my own kid, why would I want more?)
 Marital Status? : Divorced (I’m used but broken in.)
 Longest relationship? : 6 years (But while in it, it seemed endless.)
 How ambitious are you? : Very (I need a job. I need a job. I need a job.)
 Pets? : Dog ( He is the only one that doesn’t judge my gluttony.)
Second language? : Spanish (Mostly picked up from watching American Me and Blood in, Blood Out.)
About me :
 
I’m a laid back guy that’s looking for a partner in crime. Must have a sense of humor, able to take a joke and enjoy intelligent conversations.
I love hiking, reading and cuddling while watching great, stimulating cinema.
Lets chat and see where it takes us.
Hope to hear from you soon!
(I’m currently laid off from work and looking for a partner who can afford to buy me dinner and spot me gas every so often. My sense of humor is pretty crude and often consisting of fart jokes, playing harsh particle jokes and… Ok I lied. I hate intelligent conversations…
I usually walk everywhere since I don’t have insurance on my vehicle at the moment, I read a lot of Facebook post and I love porn.
I’m convinced that all phone conversations will eventually lead to phone sex.
Message me. I need a ride to the grocery store.)

DISCLAIMER NOTICE
This Dating Site is not responsible for contracted STD’s, disappointments, additional sadness (stemming from, harsh judgments, honesty or bluntness connected to your fake profile), job loss or overall embarrassment.
 Enjoy!

 

A Holiday Analysis.

I love my family and I really miss them this Holiday. Normally my daughter and I make the trek out from New Mexico to Nevada and spend the 4 to 5 days getting fed ENOURMOUS amount of wonderful food. It’s basically our fattening session for the winter.

But this year I decided against the trip. Moneywise, with a new business, it’s pretty tight. So it’ll be just my daughter and I for the afternoon.

And at 9:05 am the annual “Happy Thanksgiving” text messages begin. Amazing how technology has changed our communication habits. A quick few sentences and you’re reaching out is done.

But after a few messages from friends and family, I received a group message that totally, for some reason stung. It was from my ex brother-in-law asking everyone to keep the thanksgiving messages to one exchange.

Great idea.

Except that he proceeded to name everyone one in the family and left me out.

Ok, I get it. I mean, I’m not technically family. We’ve been divorced for over 9 years so it’s understandable not to be involved in his term “family”. But why the hell would you send someone a text and single them out? Out of everyone tagged, I was the only one left out. Honestly, that kind of hurt.

Now, I’m a grown man and I really shouldn’t care what my Ex-In-laws consider me.

I’m not in any way still attracted to my ex. I’ve made a point to avoid her family functions and gatherings because over the years I kind felt like I was over stepping my place with them. She’s pretty possessive when it comes to her family, as she should be. So I’ve backed off and turned down invites from other family member’s and just kept it casual. But this exclusion in particular hit a nerve.

Why? Am I just a little moodier than normal?

So in the true fashion of family+emotions+drama= holidays, lets investigate further.

  1. First holiday away from my family does create a sense of sadness. It’s my only one on one time with my little brothers and sister. So maybe my skin is a little more tender than normal?
  2. After losing my mom when I was 18, I developed a ‘mom need”, where I latched on to any person who I could see as a mom figure. My ex mom-in-law fit this mold perfectly. Took me years to realize she wasn’t, nor would ever be my mom. Accepting that was pretty hard. So maybe this is some type of unresolved feeling towards that?
  3. My ex brother-in-law can be pretty blunt at times. So maybe this is his way of pledging to his sisters loyalty?
  4. Or maybe it’s his way of confronting me with my “backing off” from family events?

Some pretty deep possibilities.

But after much thought (well, 10 minute’s worth) I’ve come to a conclusion.

Fuck it. Who cares?!

It amazes me how as human we tend to reach out to what we really don’t want, but feel we do. It’s like not getting a happy birthday wish from your ex the first year after your break up. I guess some just move on faster than others and that’s ok.

I better get cooking

Happy Turkey Day y’all.

Two Painters.

This is a short story about two painters who weren’t painters at all. They were actually nothing more than two men with very little skills sets.

As youngsters they would try to think of elaborate schemes in which they would make lots of money. Of course these schemes never worked, as any scheme thought up by 7 year old tend to crumble. That still didn’t stop them from trying again.

As young adults they always worked together. Taking jobs where they could work close by. One had a passion for money and was always in charge of their joint bank account. The other was more hands on and enjoyed physical, hard work.

One afternoon, as the sun shined through the city after a lengthy and harsh storm. One of the men had an idea.

Painters.

After every storm they would see an influx of painters going through the city, applying a fresh coat over the wind and rain beaten houses and signs.

With little thought they both quit their jobs and decided to become painters.

After a successful moment of design, they came up with the perfect ad.

Two guy painters.

We paint so you don’t have to.

The signs went up immediately.

As soon as the first flyer went up that they started to receive calls.

A parking lot.

Sounds simple enough

Thirty five lines with 10.5 feet between each line and each coming out 16 feet in length.

Sounds simple enough.

The next day they arrived with all their equipment and to an empty parking lot..

Apparently one of the men, getting ahead of himself, after painting several lines successfully, decided to wing one of the lines without a stencil and came out almost double the needed length. So to fix the error, the other one thought of the idea of making the lines go all the way across, meeting in the middle of the lot. Well, after completing one line all the other seemed very short and odd. So they decided to make every line come out across to each other.

 By the end the day, the entire parking lot was filled with diagrams and lines.

Sadly, the public was not ready for the two painters advance imagination and several fender benders were reported.

When asked by the parking lot owner if they were licensed and insured. They answered back,” Of course. But neither one of us were driving that day”.

An engineer’s love story. (Part 1 or 2)

He noticed her the first moment he saw her.

 She wore her long hair up in a messy bun that he seemed to adore.

She liked to use honey in her coffee, he realized one day when he had walked in after she used the container in the break room. She probably didn’t know that it used to belong to an ex researcher who was no longer with the company. That bottle of honey had been there for more than a few months.

   So the next day he passed by the grocery store and purchased 5 brand new bottles. Leaving a fresh one opened and ready for her with a note stating, “Enjoy”. He would do things like this. All silent and hidden but all for her.

   She saw him come in to the break room and suddenly she felt her face grow red.

“Was it his honey bottle? Gosh, I hope not” she thought to herself as he rushed out.

The next day when she walked into the break room she saw the honey with the note and smiled widely for the rest of the day. Her coffee and tea tasted extra sweet that day.

He wanted to ask her out for the evening but couldn’t figure out how. He would daydream, fantasizing about how they would go out together, have an amazing time and kiss passionately at the end of the evening. But soon after being lost in the daydream he would snap out of it, remembering that his history with women hasn’t been very successful.

His hopes were pretty thin. But that didn’t stop him from enjoying the dream while it lasted. 

She waited in the break room for him. Just a few extra minutes longer than it would normally take to make her coffee or tea. Long enough for her anxiety to grow and make her feel odd for standing there for no real reason. She would make multiple cups of tea throughout the day, way more than she would normally drink, just to have an excuse to be in the break room a little longer. She never urinated so much before in her life. 

The day was February, 12th and he knew his perfect opportunity was dwindling. He had spent over two weeks dreaming up the perfect evening but he failed to complete the important task of inviting her on to the date. 

“What if she already has plans? Of course she does. She’s perfect!” he would think to himself.

But he knew that if he didn’t at least ask that he would hate himself for the rest of his professional life. 

So on his morning commute, he pepped himself up for the task.

He would ask her out for a Valentine’s Day dinner. 

His heart raced when he found the note attached to his computer monitor.

“Please see person in cubicle 23-A. She is reviewing the specs regarding “Station 25-ERA” and needs to confirm the total of technician to complete the process.”

 

“Your supervisor.”

 

It was sheer poetry.

“That was her station! That was her cubicle!! I have a reason to speak to her now!” he thought with a wide grin.

“OH MY GOD. I NOW HAVE TO SPEAK TO HER”

The pit of his stomach dropped two feet. He felt nauseous.

George (Short Story)- first half

home

FOR

RENT

 

5 Bedroom, 2 bathroom home

Glamorous kitchen, huge yard

And one 75 year old, non-smoking man

Please call for details.

 

 

The ad hung on the community board at Java Joes coffee shop. I knew that it had just recently been placed since I had hovered over the board, scouting new rentals just yesterday. Taped next to the flyer was a Polaroid of a, as the flyer stated, ‘glamourous’ estate. Hurriedly, I took the flyer with picture down and folded them away into my backpack.

During my lunch break I sat staring at the polaroid while chewing my tomatoes and mayo sandwich.

The 85 year old man must be a groundkeeper or maintenance man. Probably takes a lot to keep the estate in good condition. I would call first thing in the morning.

The next morning I called the number posted and spoke to a very helpful realty woman who offered to show me the home at 10 am that morning. I was beside myself with excitement.

I was Scarlett O’hara living within my luxurious estate.

After going through the home and grounds, I nervously asked what the rent was. It was cheaper than my current one bedroom apartment that reeked of Chinese food because of the Asian market downstairs.

I immediately signed a 2 year lease.

I was all set. I would move-in a week.

A few days later, as I hurriedly packed my things, I remembered the flyer stating,” And one 75 year old, non-smoking man” I never asked the nice realty woman regarding the ad. Maybe it was a joke? Maybe it was a deterrent to keep crazy, party driven kids from renting the home and turning it to a frat house? Of course. She probably saw me and instantly recognized my calm demeanor and selfless way. Surely she realized that her only concern would be of all the political meetings I would come to host because of my outstanding community involvement. Yeah, of course.

Moving day came and within one hour I was all moved in. Since I lived very minimally, not by choice but by lack of items. I decided to take up one upstairs room. Why clutter a large home with items if it can fit into one room. Also cutting down on cleaning.

That first night I was so happy, laying on my futon. Everything was in place, with candles flickering, I fell to sleep.

That morning, at 1:25 am I met George.

George was an ex coal miner so he was used to the dark and preferred to do all his art work at night. He was a welder by training but also practiced drumming. This, his loud drumming session, was how I would realize that George lived in the basement of the home.

Apparently George had signed a lease, for also 2 years, a month prior but only needed the basement space since it also held a full kitchen, bathroom and access to the backyard.

Apparently this bit of information was never passed on to me by the realtor. As you can imagine, I was not pleased.

After going back and forth with the realty woman, I finally gave up. The lease would not let me out and unless I decided to die anytime soon, I was living with a 75 year old man who liked to sculpt and play the bongos.

Not pleased at all.

Over the next few weeks I grew weary of the constant nighttime wails of metal banging, drum beating and loud clatter. I had tried everything from blasting the radio to sound proofing the room. I even tried finding another room in the home but since it was an old home, every room was connected by the vent which amplified every sound he made.

Very, very not pleased.

So as I sat at my works break room, head held down, nibbling at my lettuce wrap I realized something. Honestly, how much longer can a 75 year old man live?

Instantly I was engulfed with optimism for the future. Two years? At his rate, how much longer can a midnight welding, crazy drumbeating elderly, frail man last?

Suddenly I was growing pleased.

Creativity is a tricky bitch.

I’ve been in a slump the last few weeks. The last few months my mind set has been on obtaining, then working this new job that I recently started. A very intense and complicated position. So my creativity has been muted for a few months as I tried to learn the job and maintain my new responsibilities. But today I decided to take back what I so easily gave up.

Writing has always been one of those calming or energizing aspects of my life. Whenever I was in need of self therapy the written word always made things better. But the last few months have been a complete whirlwind of pressures and emotions. I hate my new job. I miss the calmness of my previous life. But things change and we move forward right?

I miss creating.

I used to create stories from moments and little experiences that would occur through out my day. Little scenarios that I would build on. What if moments. I miss that. Sometime being an adult sucks.

So today I start again. I’m making a point to write today, to come up with some type of experience that I can build on.