A few months ago I was in the mindset to move out of state.
For the first time in my daughter’s life. I felt comfortable with the idea of living away from her. Now, I know that sounds bad but let me explain. If you’ve read my previous post you know that I have a very good relationship with my ex-wife. We share custody but neither of us really demand time with our daughter since we’re so interactive with each other. In other words, we don’t obey a schedule since were in such good terms with each other’s household.
So every year my daughter and I take a few trips out to visit the family in Nevada (usually once in late fall and then again in early spring).
And every drive back I ask myself the same question.
“Would she be ok if I moved out of state?”
And every year I come to the same conclusion. “No. She needs me.”
But this time it was different.
Maybe it’s her age, coming into preteen. Maybe the realization that my father is getting older. Maybe the guilt of missing my brothers and lil sis growing up into amazing adults.
So I spoke to my daughter about it.
About the possibility of moving in with my folks for a bit and living away from her. I was surprised by her much laid back reaction. She seemed genuinely excited about the possibility of living out in Vegas for a part of every year.
I spoke to my folks, spoke to my ex and to my friends back in New Mexico. Everyone seemed very supportive and excited for my new possibilities.
I had a place to stay, a possible internship with the city all lined. And the option of moving back if it didn’t work. It was hard going to work every day knowing that in a few short weeks I might be moving out of state.
Then the day came when the internship I was hoping for called with the news that I had the position if I wanted it.
It was happening.
A guaranteed paying position with the city once it came open. And as the woman went into details about my schedule and responsibility, I trailed off. It was my daughter’s karate practice that night. I would be missing it after I moved.
And everything changed right at that moment.
My excitement for the new possibilities suddenly vanished. I couldn’t do it. There was no way I would be able to move away from my daughter. No matter the amount of time or possible amount of money.
I declined the position and explain my realization. She understood and wished me luck. But I knew I didn’t need it because what I had wasn’t luck, it was a blessing. I was truly blessed to be in the position I was in.
Fast forward a few months.
My daughter called me from the schools nurse’s office today. It was picture day and she needed a change of clothes after having an accident. As I walked up to the school office, she met me at the door, awaiting the clothes, thanking me repeatedly, hugging me tightly.
No regret about my decision. I can wait till she’s 18. By then she’ll hopefully be deciding about school, maybe out of state? Maybe the armed forces?
Then I’ll ponder about possibly moving away.
Till then I’ll be readily available for whatever she may need, only a few miles away, at all times.