I hate my ex-wife.
I loathe the mother of my 10 year old daughter.
She’s selfish, rude and vengeful.
I can honestly say that there’s no one else I detest more than her.
But at the same time I hate myself for feeling this way when it’s all brought upon by my own doing.
Hating someone takes a lot of energy and dedication. Anger comes with a fury but also diminishes just as quickly as it surfaces. It takes work to really hate someone. It takes dedication to find fault in someone. I’ve been lost in that anger and frustration for a while now.
Ok, I don’t really hate her.
I hate the decision I’ve made that have placed me in a position that she can dictate.
I don’t loathe her.
I just loathe myself for not moving out of the way of the on-coming wall that I saw months before.
Self-awareness is scary.
A few days ago I was lost in anger- hatred- frustration and disgust. Now I see that allot of those feelings were self-generated. Amazing what you can make yourself see when you want to find fault in someone. But just as equally amazing when you realize what you’ve made yourself avoid.