My daughter is gay.

My daughter is gay.

She’s only 11 years old and she already knows more about herself and her sexually than her 41 year old father. She wears it proudly, doesn’t hide it and is very confident about who she is.
And again, she’s 11.
And even though it’s not a rare thing to see kids express their sexual identity early on, people still feel it’s a phase.

“She’s too young to know.”
“She’ll change before high school.”
“All kids go though that.”

These are only a few of the response I’ve received since my daughters come out. Some from family, some from friends.

So it bugs me (saying it mildly,) when people accuse kids that are realizing their true self, as going through a phase. One person, an actual therapist, stated, “All the kids are doing it now days”, as if it’s a fad.

Really?

Your identity is considered a fad if it doesn’t fit the common idea of puberty?

One complaint I heard was from someone who said, “It’s everywhere”, referring to homosexuality being visible online, in movies. But yet so is sex. It’s all over social media, advertising, TV, movies. A child doesn’t pick up their sexual identity from over exposure on social media or movies. Sexual identity isn’t something picked up,  just like promiscuity isn’t something we learn.
Kids now a days are experiencing things that no previous  generation has ever experienced. Back in the early 90’s, my idea of depression was the calmness I gained from listening to a Smashing Pumpkins LP. But nowadays kids can research,  connect, witness and accept so much more than I ever did as a teenager. But yet we shut them down when they discover themselves?
We congratulate a kid when they get great grades. We celebrate when the kid achieves something like winning a game or performing on a school show. But when a child comes out to her/his parents about a major thing that they’ve learned about themselves, we shut them up, tell them its just a passing issue, that they’ll grow out of it?

I’ve bitten my tongue a few times in responding because at first I didn’t know exactly how to respond. Took me all while to find my words.
What I’ve learned from my daughter is that it’s not a choice that one makes. It’s a part of your identity. It’s like a mole on your cheek, or your brown eyes. Its you.

It’s discovered. It’s realized. It’s accepted.
So yeah, she might change before becoming an adult. But who cares! It’s all apart of her journey  in becoming her true self.

So to all those idiots out there who feel that 11 is too young to know yourself I say, shut the fuck up and keep your small minded bullshit to yourself.

Thanks..

Holiday Madness.

It’s December 11 and I’m dreading the thought of New Years Eve.

What is it about the holidays that makes a single person feel like unless your in a committed relationship, your not spending the holiday the way it was intended to be spent? I know the sickness is coming, as it does to all single people during the holidays.
The Holiday Madness.
Thoughts of going solo to family or friends functions. Doing all your shopping alone as everyone one else has a copilot. Buying yourself a gift, so you have something to unwrap on Xmas morning. These can all be triggers for the madness. But honestly, anything can bring it. Last year, my episode was started after watching Christmas Vacation. Damn you Beverly D’Angelo, so damn hot.
It’s enough to cause us all to go a little mental, to over eat just a bit, to drink a little extra.
But be careful of the warning signs. Some don’t realize The Madness has gripped them. Realizing after they’ve reached the 2nd level.

The first level is the Desperate stage.

Being a little extra flirty with single friends. Dropping hints about wanting to be fixed up. Logging on to all the dating apps and loading extra cleavage shots or bare, muscle flexing, pics.
I’m not obsessing over tinder yet, I expect I will be soon though.

Then we have the 2nd stage called the Assuming stage.

It’s when you assume that any interaction-with available friends, strangers, that they have some hidden meaning. That a simple hello means,  “I’m interested in starting something serious with you”. While in this stage, friends and family will warn you of the oncoming mistakes. But being in this stage means you’ve lost your ability to see reality. Your subcoming to the Madness.
I’ve been victim to this stage many times. One year, I thought my friends mom was totally hitting on me, even though she was in her late sixties and married.

The worst is the 3rd. It’s the one we all tend to later regret. It’s the Ex-love stage.

The deeper you are in the Madness, the more you convince yourself that your previous relationships weren’t so bad. You forget the reasons for the break up, lose memory of filed police reports. Only to remember everything after the holidays have passed. After the attempt, and in most cases successful, relationships have restarted.
This is disaster waiting to happen.
Every day I get closer to calling an ex, checking they’re Facebook page, reading old text messages.This is the stage I fear the most.

Be brave people. Luckily, the Holiday Madness season is halfway over. Staring back in early November, it will fizzle out by January 2nd.
However late in the season it may be, there’s still plenty of time for the sickness to infect you. Avoid crowds,  stay home. Be strong.

Hardest Lesson.

I’ve learned a lot of things being a single parent.

No matter how prepared you want to be leaving your home with a newborn/ toddler/youngster, you will never have everything you need.

Its OK to let the dishes sit till tomorrow. Just not till next week.

When it comes to bills, there’s 3 levels of payment options.

1. Before due date.
2. Past due date.
3. Final notice.

Do not shop for groceries you wouldn’t be OK eating past the due date.

The floor will never be clean enough.

Always buy twice as much laundry detergent.

Silence is evil.

Accidents that include cuts/scrapes/bruises are called “boo-boo’s” till the age of 4 or 6. Afterwards they will be regarded as cuts, accidents, war scars (depending on the child).

There is a time and place for lies.

• Lying to a 7 year old asking where babies come from is wrong.
• Lying to a 2 year old that the Netflix is currently down because they want to watch that annoying cartoon for the 15th time is right.

Parenthood is bliss. Its all the other time that sucks.

The Batting Cage.

So I had an experience.
A few weekends ago I was meeting my daughter and her mom at the batting cage. With some miscommunication, I waited at the wrong location for over 20 minutes .
As I sat in my car, annoyingly awaiting for them to arrive, I saw a family walk towards their cars, out of the batting cage. A woman pushing a stroller- I presumed mom. A younger boy- about 7. A preteen girl with a grown man walking next to her – I presumed dad.
Everyone loaded into an SUV that was parked a car over from me. Everyone except for dad that is. He got into a sporty little Honda parked between the SUV and me.
What happened next left me dumbfounded because I’ve been in that same situation. To see it happen and to witness the kids being affected by this was just eye opening. But like I said, I’ve been there.
Mom starts her car.
Dad starts his car.
The little boy sits behind the passenger seat and appears to be upset.
Mom says towards dad’s car, “He’s upset because we’re not going to have dessert.“
Dad replies, “What? Jimmy, stop crying. That’s no reason to cry!”
Mom, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t of said it if it wasn’t going to happen?”
Dad, “Are you seriously mad at me for that? I was trying to think of something fun for us to do after eating. I was trying to be pro-active with us doing stuff together.“
Mom, “Then why is he crying?”
Dad sticking his head out towards the car, (both mom’s SUV and dad’s Honda are running while there communicating) “ What? I can’t hear you?”
Dad tells the little boy, “That’s enough. Stop crying now or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
Mom, “So now your making it worse.”
Dad, “What am I doing? What do you want me to do then?”
Dad tells the little boy, “I promise we’ll  got get ice cream another time.”
The teenager sitting in the front passenger seat, appears very annoyed and bothered with the whole situation.
Mom says something to the dad but very hard to hear over both car engines and his radio playing.
Dad, says “ I have no idea what you just said.”
Mom screams back, “I’ll text you.”
So they converse for the next few minutes via text while sitting in their vehicles, that are parked right next to each other, with both cars still running.
Dad, “I have no idea what you’re last text meant.”
At this point I was able to figure out which batting cage my daughter and her mom were located so I drove away.
Took me a while to fully understand what I had just witnessed, while sitting in the parking, waiting to hear from my ex wife.
I was that man, back when my ex and I were dealing with our child custody issues. I would rather have her talk over the engine than give in to her needs.
I was too full of pride, and not to mention hostility towards her.
Luckily that ended several years ago.
We have our moments. Annoyances surface again. But that’s better than anger and hostility.
What were their kids thinking?
Like the baby in the stroller, my daughter was to young to see our major fights or blowouts. But those two kids saw the whole thing. What did they think

Oh well.

A few days ago I met a woman on one of those ‘quick judge’ dating sites. You know, you either swipe right to like, or left to not. Well, we both swiped right.
We messaged back and forth for a few days before exchanging numbers. Then the text messages started.
We were doing 30 to 50 messages a day. Honestly, I was intrigued.
She was sarcastic, educated, employed (wish sadly isn’t the norm on those sites), and very attractive.
I was hopeful for a meeting after the holidays. And the awesome thing was that she was too, dropping hints about hoping it’s sooner than later.
Then it stopped.
She went out of town for New Years but we were still messaging. And as of New Years Day I’ve received 3 messages. That’s it.
Ok, I can take a hint. No more interest, got it.
But I’m not the only one finding that pretty damn blunt right?
It’s not like we were dating or anything. We hadn’t even met. Not one actual phone conversation.
But being totally honest here, her change left me bewildered.
This isn’t the new norm with dating right?
Maybe she was arrested?
Maybe she was looking for a side thing?
Maybe she decided that she was actually in love with her neighbor, who does drug runs to El Paso?
Or maybe she just didn’t like me?
Who cares.
It didn’t work out (even before it started).
Fuck it. Her loss.

How the Grinch (consumerism) almost stole Xmas.

During the holidays, kids get spoiled, parents get drunk, relationships start, relationships end. Regardless your situation, parent or not a parent, the holiday season affects you in some way, shape or form. My point of view of course is as a parent. A dad of a 10 year old daughter. I totally get that my advice, rant, whatever is one sided. Its my view of my world. This is the scenery that I awake to every morning. Father, struggling new business owner with debt and other stresses. I try my hardest not to judge others. And that’s freaking hard sometimes. Jealousy and envy. those are hard feelings to ignore sometimes.

This is the first Christmas that I don’t have a tree up for the holiday. I know, its still early so something might change. But money wise, its been a tough past 2 months. Its all for a reason, I get that. But when I see my ex and her husband going out, spending on the kids. When I’m embarrassed to see my nephew’s or niece because I’ve come up short for their holiday gifts. When I can’t even plan a trip home since I cant afford the gas money. Its hard to keep a jolly view of yourself or the holiday. I mean lets face it. The holiday season is all about those ads. The specials going on everywhere. Its near impossible to avoid the constant reminders. So should I be upset, jealous or envious that they can afford it but I cant?

No.

Even thought its been a hard few months (and I totally get that I brought this on myself). I made the decision to avoid a low end position for what I really wanted. I get that, I accept that. I’m not mad at anyone, especially myself.

Everyday we make decisions that affect a time in the future. That maybe a few moment’s, to a few days, years, lifetimes away. I may complain to my brother that I cant afford a Xmas tree. I may vent to my friend Jeff about my inability to walk in to a store without feeling guilt. But this isn’t the reason for this time of year. And I’m not referring to the religious side of the season. I mean the goodness and warmness that this time of year brings. The real holiday season. Not the ads. Not the specials. Not the enormous expense of living the holiday that society now seems to lead by example. Its about making cheap sugar cookies with my daughter. Its about walking out and enjoying a snow covered morning. Its about feeling the genuine warmth from others feeling the wonderful spirit of giving.

Its about love. Plain and simple. Its about feeling the love that we all feel grow and grow during this holiday season.

So I’ll count my blessings and count my pennies.

I have family that I may not be next to thinking of me this holiday season. I have friends that mean it when they wish me a prosperous new year.

And best of all. I have a 10 year daughter that wants nothing more than to be with her family this holiday (that last line made me tear up).

Life’s good this season.

Even when your without the low interest credit card.

What if my dating profile was honest?

We all know that dating site profiles are not 100% honest. There’s some honesty there, but there’s also what the person posting likes to think of as “adding mystery”. Let’s face it, dating sites are all just glorified used car lots. And we’re the used cars (I’ll be honest, I embellished about my old Ford Explorer). But it’s common practice right? But what if my used car Ad was totally honest? I’m referring to my dating site Ad, not an actual car Ad. I’m not currently selling my car.

Chicano looking for a Chicana.

(Actually, I don’t really care if your Chicana, Asian, Afro-American, Native American or some unknown Swedish/German/Japanese hybrid. I’m lonely and I accept interest from all races.)

    

About     Non-Smoker with A “Few Extra Pounds” body type (I can barely run a mile, let alone inhale cigarette smoke. And a “few extra pounds” was maybe 5 years ago. At this point I would add a good 5% more to that concept)

City      ### New Mexico

Details    40 year old Male, 5′ 7″ (170cm)   

Ethnicity     Other Ethnicity, Capricorn  (I’m not Hispanic or Latino. Those are words created by the mass media to describe the Chicano movement I’m a proud Chicano. But because of this sites restrictions I’ll be listed as ‘OTHER’. So now women will just assume I’m a Jewish guy from the mid-east. ) 

Intent     Not seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. (I am actually seeking a relationship, but because of fear of coming across as desperate, I’ll hide my true intentions and play it cool. Just imagine me standing against the wall at the club. I’m cool on the outside but oh so lonely within.)    

Education     Some college      (I completed one term of community college. Then I proceeded to foolishly spend my student loan money on worthless items. Like buying my then girlfriend a $400 iPod. Great investment there guy.)

Personality     Free Thinker   (What was I suppose to pick? I’m not a freaking hippy, nor am I a gamer, politician or communist coffee drinker. I’m just me. A middle age guy that prefers to watch Star Wars movies (the original 3 of course) and eat unhealthy meals.) 

Profession     Self Employed  (I started my own business because I couldn’t conform my prior employers to adapt to my relaxed work ethic and sporadic attendance habits.)

I am seeking a :  Woman (And with every day that passes, this detail becomes hazier and hazier.)

For  :   Dating (Or random bouts of uncommitted sex, ego boosting, mothering, justifying my current place in life, etc…)

Do drink? : Yes (Rarely can I afford it.)

Hair color : Gray (After a point, hair coloring becomes too expensive.)

Eye color? : Brown (Sexy brown wasn’t a choice.)

Do you do drugs? : NO (Why? Are you offering?)

Do you have children? : Yes (You will meet them only when it becomes necessary for you to spend the night.)

 Do you want children? : NO (I can barely afford my own kid, why would I want more?)

 Marital Status? : Divorced (I’m used but broken in.)

 Longest relationship? : 6 years (But while in it, it seemed endless.)

 How ambitious are you? : Very (I need a job. I need a job. I need a job.)

 Pets? : Dog ( He is the only one that doesn’t judge my gluttony.)

Second language? : Spanish (Mostly picked up from watching American Me and Blood in, Blood Out.)

About me :

 

I’m a laid back guy that’s looking for a partner in crime. Must have a sense of humor, able to take a joke and enjoy intelligent conversations.

I love hiking, reading and cuddling while watching great, stimulating cinema.

Lets chat and see where it takes us.

Hope to hear from you soon!

(I’m currently laid off from work and looking for a partner who can afford to buy me dinner and spot me gas every so often. My sense of humor is pretty crude and often consisting of fart jokes, playing harsh particle jokes and… Ok I lied. I hate intelligent conversations…

I usually walk everywhere since I don’t have insurance on my vehicle at the moment, I read a lot of Facebook post and I love porn.

I’m convinced that all phone conversations will eventually lead to phone sex.

Message me. I need a ride to the grocery store.)

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

This Dating Site is not responsible for contracted STD’s, disappointments, additional sadness (stemming from, harsh judgments, honesty or bluntness connected to your fake profile), job loss or overall embarrassment.

 Enjoy!

 

A Holiday Analysis.

I love my family and I really miss them this Holiday. Normally my daughter and I make the trek out from New Mexico to Nevada and spend the 4 to 5 days getting fed ENOURMOUS amount of wonderful food. It’s basically our fattening session for the winter.

But this year I decided against the trip. Moneywise, with a new business, it’s pretty tight. So it’ll be just my daughter and I for the afternoon.

And at 9:05 am the annual “Happy Thanksgiving” text messages begin. Amazing how technology has changed our communication habits. A quick few sentences and you’re reaching out is done.

But after a few messages from friends and family, I received a group message that totally, for some reason stung. It was from my ex brother-in-law asking everyone to keep the thanksgiving messages to one exchange.

Great idea.

Except that he proceeded to name everyone one in the family and left me out.

Ok, I get it. I mean, I’m not technically family. We’ve been divorced for over 9 years so it’s understandable not to be involved in his term “family”. But why the hell would you send someone a text and single them out? Out of everyone tagged, I was the only one left out. Honestly, that kind of hurt.

Now, I’m a grown man and I really shouldn’t care what my Ex-In-laws consider me.

I’m not in any way still attracted to my ex. I’ve made a point to avoid her family functions and gatherings because over the years I kind felt like I was over stepping my place with them. She’s pretty possessive when it comes to her family, as she should be. So I’ve backed off and turned down invites from other family member’s and just kept it casual. But this exclusion in particular hit a nerve.

Why? Am I just a little moodier than normal?

So in the true fashion of family+emotions+drama= holidays, lets investigate further.

1. First holiday away from my family does create a sense of sadness. It’s my only one on one time with my little brothers and sister. So maybe my skin is a little more tender than normal?
2. After losing my mom when I was 18, I developed a ‘mom need”, where I latched on to any person who I could see as a mom figure. My ex mom-in-law fit this mold perfectly. Took me years to realize she wasn’t, nor would ever be my mom. Accepting that was pretty hard. So maybe this is some type of unresolved feeling towards that?
3. My ex brother-in-law can be pretty blunt at times. So maybe this is his way of pledging to his sisters loyalty?
4. Or maybe it’s his way of confronting me with my “backing off” from family events?

Some pretty deep possibilities.

But after much thought (well, 10 minute’s worth) I’ve come to a conclusion.

Fuck it. Who cares?!

It amazes me how as human we tend to reach out to what we really don’t want, but feel we do. It’s like not getting a happy birthday wish from your ex the first year after your break up. I guess some just move on faster than others and that’s ok.

I better get cooking

Happy Turkey Day y’all.

I realized something yesterday.

I realized something yesterday.

I’m a good dad but I suck at being an adult.

My credit sucks. My work history is spotty. I have no savings and I’m currently steps away from a total financial collapse. But my daughter’s healthy and we have enough food to keep her fed and supplied with school lunches. I have a beautiful roof over my head. And I’m thankful for the wonderful support from friends and family.

But let’s be honest, I’ve made some freaking horrible decisions.

But in my defense, being depressed sucks. I mean, the happy to sad, it’s freaking exhausting. Seriously. After a whole day of dealing with myself, I’m freaking tired. But I’m recognizing my own patterns. Recognizing my triggers. And that’s the hardest part. Being on the lookout for what has gotten me in trouble before. I do find it funny how you can go through your entire life living a certain way. Building routines that help you get passed certain situations. Learning those “self-taught tools”. And then just to find out that they were actually very unhealthy habits. They were actually triggers that lead me to unhealthy results.

Well fuck me. Now I know.

Yeah, so this whole being an adult is pretty hard.

You know, I don’t remember my dad ever telling me how to become a responsible adult. We never talked about relationships, credit scores or how to manage money. And that’s cool. I was in such a hurry as a kid to grow up that I probably wouldn’t have listened anyways. But I’m not going to make that same mistake with my mija.

I think I sometimes over explain things to her. And that may be my over compensating for what I didn’t experience as a kid. But the way I see it, if I’m not annoying her as a dad then I’m obviously doing something wrong.

So onward with this depression crap.

For the most part, life is good. Just got to keep reminding myself of that.

Speechless.

Heartbroken. .